Yep, I'm blogging again.
I went to the premiere of what I call "our" movie last night. It's a long story, and I don't want to detail it here. So I'll just say that this whole thing has been pretty fantastic and amazing and any Hollywood superlative that you can dream up.
But. Every time I'm around these people, these Hollywood people, these people who are our gods (small g) in America and maybe the world, the people behind the scenes who have the power, I have this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I woke up this morning from a nightmare in which I was falling off the side of our house. We truly live on a slope, but in my nightmare I had climbed some sort of stairs to the top and my legs were dangling. I was hanging on to a drainpipe, but I was hanging over the side of a house and my children were watching.
Why would I have this dream after a night in which it would be easy to say that many of our dreams came true? Many of our friends wrote on our FB pages that they were jealous....we got to get dressed up and walk the red carpet, hang out with stars, all that stuff. And we did. But at the end of the night, I was ashamed to be wanting more. I don't know what else I would have wanted....another drink, some more food, more encounters with these gods, although you don't have to spend too much time around them to know that they are clearly people. Gifted people, but people.
So after I woke up this morning and was done with sleep I drifted back to Ecclesiastes. It's up in the One Year Bible that I've been reading, and it's comforting in some very strange ways. "Meaningless, meaningless, all is meaningless!" Another translation puts it "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity!" Hello Hollywood....
I guess what it's saying to me is what I already knew. That it HAS been amazing to see my family story get crafted into a beautiful piece of art. That it's fascinating to meet these icons. That people who work in Hollywood mostly, and self-preservingly, are assholes. That all is meaningless, and vanity, and that there's nothing really new under the sun, so we might as well enjoy ourselves where we are, enjoy our families, because we can want more and more and more, and never have enough.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Briefly.....
Well, I did not run a marathon. Briefly, that's what I needed to post. I could post something about how the journey was fun (it was) and I was in the best shape of my life (also true). But really, it sort of sucked to train for something like this and then not have it happen.
I could also detail the reasons why it didn't happen, but I won't. Briefly, we shot a movie (way long story) and that made the original date not happen. Then, RP got injured, and I still planned to run it myself. And then....well....I just flat out lost my mojo. I did not do a planned 20 mile run, and that was pretty much it for me and the marathon for this year.
I did do a half marathon and it was GREAT...very hilly, very fun, despite some stomach issues in the beginning.
But I'm still sort of recovering from NOT doing the marathon. I've gained some weight, lost some focus. So I'm working on both, and I think blogging again is a good start. Everything else is more or less good...it's Mother's Day, and I'm about to go eat brunch. I had an awesome five miler this morning, by myself. It's all good, really!
I could also detail the reasons why it didn't happen, but I won't. Briefly, we shot a movie (way long story) and that made the original date not happen. Then, RP got injured, and I still planned to run it myself. And then....well....I just flat out lost my mojo. I did not do a planned 20 mile run, and that was pretty much it for me and the marathon for this year.
I did do a half marathon and it was GREAT...very hilly, very fun, despite some stomach issues in the beginning.
But I'm still sort of recovering from NOT doing the marathon. I've gained some weight, lost some focus. So I'm working on both, and I think blogging again is a good start. Everything else is more or less good...it's Mother's Day, and I'm about to go eat brunch. I had an awesome five miler this morning, by myself. It's all good, really!
Friday, February 20, 2009
Happy good long run, unexpectedly
Gah, I have SO meant to write more often than this, this time around. But other things have inserted themselves like my JOB and CLEANING and CHILDREN, and although I clearly have spent hours online farting around I have not gotten my thoughts together in three weeks unless it's to write a sermon. This is most certainly true.
But OH I had such a good run this morning and I am blissed out and sort of basking in its glow. This is the kind of thing that makes non-running types look at my like I have a couple heads (kind of like when I was GIANTLY pregnant and wearing a clerical collar walking down the street of downtown Atlanta. Good times.).
I was not looking forward to this run. In other news, my running partner has injured herself to the degree that she cannot run, and so I will be running the marathon by my ownself, as well as the long runs. That's mostly okay...I don't HATE doing long runs by myself, but I have gotten so used to having someone to talk to! But last night I looked at the weather and it occurred to me that it was perhaps not great to be running in 23 degree weather with a wind chill of 15.
I freaked out. I made preparations so that I could bail at 7 miles if I needed to, without the additional 11. But it was all fine. I wore two layers on top and on bottom, a hat, and gloves.
And it was SO, SO beautiful. It was sunny and I ran up the hill first, then turned around to get back to the trail and my car. I fueled up and hit the trail, and then the good part started. Fun podcasts, good songs, lots of nature (deer, herons, frozen ponds and the stream), just happy being with myself, running along at my pace. I love my running partner, but this run I remembered WHY I love long runs!
So after a Waffle House stop with 3 year old boy, I am happily home and intend to bask as long as I can in this happy, happy, floaty long run buzz.
But OH I had such a good run this morning and I am blissed out and sort of basking in its glow. This is the kind of thing that makes non-running types look at my like I have a couple heads (kind of like when I was GIANTLY pregnant and wearing a clerical collar walking down the street of downtown Atlanta. Good times.).
I was not looking forward to this run. In other news, my running partner has injured herself to the degree that she cannot run, and so I will be running the marathon by my ownself, as well as the long runs. That's mostly okay...I don't HATE doing long runs by myself, but I have gotten so used to having someone to talk to! But last night I looked at the weather and it occurred to me that it was perhaps not great to be running in 23 degree weather with a wind chill of 15.
I freaked out. I made preparations so that I could bail at 7 miles if I needed to, without the additional 11. But it was all fine. I wore two layers on top and on bottom, a hat, and gloves.
And it was SO, SO beautiful. It was sunny and I ran up the hill first, then turned around to get back to the trail and my car. I fueled up and hit the trail, and then the good part started. Fun podcasts, good songs, lots of nature (deer, herons, frozen ponds and the stream), just happy being with myself, running along at my pace. I love my running partner, but this run I remembered WHY I love long runs!
So after a Waffle House stop with 3 year old boy, I am happily home and intend to bask as long as I can in this happy, happy, floaty long run buzz.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
We can just be friends...
Dear Nike Pegasus,
I know we've been together for five years, and that's a long time. I have loved you for all those five years, and was planning on a long, happy life with you for years to come. We've run together through four half marathons and a marathon, 10Ks, training runs galore, heat, cold, a pregnancy, really, everything. You've kept my feet comfortable and happy, and looked cute too, when I could find you in pink and on sale.
But something's changed. You turned 25, and you started feeling like a giant brick strapped to my feet. You're rubbing me the wrong way. My 2nd toes look like ground beef, and the side of my right foot is blistering up nice and white. My bunion hurts (yes, you're not the only one who's been getting old!), and you're just....well...too CLOSE for comfort.
So, although I respect our many years together, I need to move on. Don't worry, I probably won't make it final until after the marathon so we can have one last race together. IF you treat me right until the day comes, because if you start hurting me again, you are GONE, do you hear me?
Thank you for our beautiful years together. I appreciate all that you've given me, and maybe I'll come back to you sometime in the future.
All the best,
Chickpastor
I know we've been together for five years, and that's a long time. I have loved you for all those five years, and was planning on a long, happy life with you for years to come. We've run together through four half marathons and a marathon, 10Ks, training runs galore, heat, cold, a pregnancy, really, everything. You've kept my feet comfortable and happy, and looked cute too, when I could find you in pink and on sale.
But something's changed. You turned 25, and you started feeling like a giant brick strapped to my feet. You're rubbing me the wrong way. My 2nd toes look like ground beef, and the side of my right foot is blistering up nice and white. My bunion hurts (yes, you're not the only one who's been getting old!), and you're just....well...too CLOSE for comfort.
So, although I respect our many years together, I need to move on. Don't worry, I probably won't make it final until after the marathon so we can have one last race together. IF you treat me right until the day comes, because if you start hurting me again, you are GONE, do you hear me?
Thank you for our beautiful years together. I appreciate all that you've given me, and maybe I'll come back to you sometime in the future.
All the best,
Chickpastor
Sunday, January 25, 2009
20 miles, no funerals (yet)
So the big 2-0 was last Saturday. There were two weeks between both my last blog post and my last long run, and in the middle I did not run even a medium-long run because my stomach was acting up...finally figured out it was too much coffee on an empty stomach. Ew.
Anyway, RP and I set out at a decent hour this time, 8 a.m. vs. 6 a.m. of a few weeks ago, and it was rainy but not pouring. We had a lot to talk about, as both of us were having "issues" with our partners which was unexpected for both of us. So as we talked we got sort of agitated and might have sped up a bit. In fact, we did speed up a bit, but it was sort of hard to resist the need to pound it out as we worked through some problems.
Well, that was dumb.
I knew it was dumb at the time and my brain was saying, hey, self, slow it down, you will HATE yourself in about an hour and a half, but I did not slow down enough, and paid the price later, somewhat.
We had dropped a car at a little under/over halfway, so we pit stopped at the car coming and going for a bathroom break at Starbucks, drink refills, and margarita shot bloks (whoever invented those is GENIUS, as they are awesome if you need salt!). Then we started back for the trail, which was at about the 14 mile point.
At this point, we both can run 6 miles with relative ease. I was trying to tell myself "it's only six more miles..." but I just did not want to do it. That's really unusual for me...I usually have no problems mentally with finishing unless it's a race! But we had gone out too fast, sped up too much, and now the last six miles were going to hurt. They did. At one point I kept thinking about epidurals, and how despite my insistence on natural birth once the pitocin kicked in how the epidural felt so good, damn it! I asked RP if I could have an epidural but she was also in a trance, with rap music on LOUD. I really wanted to stop at some point around the 17 mile mark, but crazily, near 18.5, it suddenly got better. I KNEW we were going to finish and be okay, and that my body would carry me through as it's always done. I was listening to my traditional ending song "Where is the Love?" by the Black Eyed Peas and it was SO good, and has such a good happy bouncy rhythm, that I was sad when it ended with a few minutes to go.
I just left my music player on random, because it didn't matter much at that point and I sure wasn't going to use the energy to mess with it, but I did something so silly. I said a prayer that the song that would come on next would be good, would be inspiring, would mean something to me as I finished this long grueling run. I know it's silly what with world peace and everything to be asking for something as simple as this, for a "sign," for a lift, but it happened nonetheless.
It was "Born to Run."
Anyway, RP and I set out at a decent hour this time, 8 a.m. vs. 6 a.m. of a few weeks ago, and it was rainy but not pouring. We had a lot to talk about, as both of us were having "issues" with our partners which was unexpected for both of us. So as we talked we got sort of agitated and might have sped up a bit. In fact, we did speed up a bit, but it was sort of hard to resist the need to pound it out as we worked through some problems.
Well, that was dumb.
I knew it was dumb at the time and my brain was saying, hey, self, slow it down, you will HATE yourself in about an hour and a half, but I did not slow down enough, and paid the price later, somewhat.
We had dropped a car at a little under/over halfway, so we pit stopped at the car coming and going for a bathroom break at Starbucks, drink refills, and margarita shot bloks (whoever invented those is GENIUS, as they are awesome if you need salt!). Then we started back for the trail, which was at about the 14 mile point.
At this point, we both can run 6 miles with relative ease. I was trying to tell myself "it's only six more miles..." but I just did not want to do it. That's really unusual for me...I usually have no problems mentally with finishing unless it's a race! But we had gone out too fast, sped up too much, and now the last six miles were going to hurt. They did. At one point I kept thinking about epidurals, and how despite my insistence on natural birth once the pitocin kicked in how the epidural felt so good, damn it! I asked RP if I could have an epidural but she was also in a trance, with rap music on LOUD. I really wanted to stop at some point around the 17 mile mark, but crazily, near 18.5, it suddenly got better. I KNEW we were going to finish and be okay, and that my body would carry me through as it's always done. I was listening to my traditional ending song "Where is the Love?" by the Black Eyed Peas and it was SO good, and has such a good happy bouncy rhythm, that I was sad when it ended with a few minutes to go.
I just left my music player on random, because it didn't matter much at that point and I sure wasn't going to use the energy to mess with it, but I did something so silly. I said a prayer that the song that would come on next would be good, would be inspiring, would mean something to me as I finished this long grueling run. I know it's silly what with world peace and everything to be asking for something as simple as this, for a "sign," for a lift, but it happened nonetheless.
It was "Born to Run."
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Untitled
I wasn't sure what to title this post because so many things happened today that I couldn't figure out what would fit best. "18 miles and a funeral" or something like that would probably have fit the best. Anyway, it was quite a day, and here on the other side of it I can't quite believe it was all in the same day....I'm sure everybody's had those kind, and for sure this was one.
It started at 5:15 a.m. when I woke up spontaneously AGAIN because of these spotlights our new "neighbors" (an assisted living undergoing renovations) decided to turn on that flooded our bedroom. I thought it was just a really, really bright moon until 5:15 when I opened the blinds and was, um, blinded by the halogens. Thanks be to all that's holy, we asked them to turn them off, so peaceful sleep tonight awaits! I hope!
I got up and ready for RP to pick me up, and we went to our usual starting point. We both were wearing headlamps (thank you, inlaws!) and started out down the trail, which had flooded a few days earlier but was supposed to be okay by then. Well, we made it five minutes before encountering flooding. So we turned back and went down the OTHER fork of the trail, which, thankfully, was not flooded.
A few minutes into our run on the non-flooded side, we saw something moving up ahead in the dark. Very dark. Maybe a deer? No, it's a human being, wearing black clothes, moving in and out of the trees. I hear RP's heart rate monitor start to beep and I was feeling the same way. We try to "spot" him with our lights and when we come up on him (dude was walking FAST) he is actually wearing workout gear, appearing to be out for an early morning constitutional, like us. Doesn't explain the weird jumping around, but maybe our eyes were playing tricks on us....
The next encounter was another shadowy being moving around on the trail. This one turned out to be two deer, and we were lucky enough to actually catch the "deer in headlights" look from both of them. Their eyes glowed in the dark and until we figured out what they were, I really thought RP was going to faint. It was kind of eerie, and kind of cool.
Our only other weirdness while we were still in the dark was meeting another pack of runners. Two of them out of five had headlamps, and all had reflective clothing, so it looked a little bit like a flying saucer moving down the trail towards us. Or maybe we were just really freaked out.
FINALLY, finally, it got light outside enough to see outlines of trees, and then to see if a person was coming towards us or an alien, and then we could actually make out our surroundings well with the sunrise. This didn't help, however, when after a much-needed Burger King bathroom run for RP (our car, where we pit stop, is by a BK), we started on to uncharted territory where they had extended the trail, presumably by four miles (what all the publications said). Well, we got to 1.5 and it ended with a mountain bike trail off into the distance. So we looped, then we went back on the other side, and did some of the hardest-core running I've ever done for that mostly awful last 3.
But we made it! 18 miles without any, let's say, MAJOR mishaps! I will never again choose to go out that early unless I absolutely had to, and this morning, I absolutely had to, because we were attending the funeral of a friend at 11 a.m. The rest of the day was the funeral, reception, wake at the house, and then taking their kids for a couple hours so they could come just be kids. They were, but they were crazy kids, and mine being even crazier didn't help much!
I'm tired. I'm tired in my bones. But I know that today, overall, was a good, helpful day, and I can fall into my non-spotlighted bed and know that in several ways I showed up and did my best. What more can you ask for, really?
It started at 5:15 a.m. when I woke up spontaneously AGAIN because of these spotlights our new "neighbors" (an assisted living undergoing renovations) decided to turn on that flooded our bedroom. I thought it was just a really, really bright moon until 5:15 when I opened the blinds and was, um, blinded by the halogens. Thanks be to all that's holy, we asked them to turn them off, so peaceful sleep tonight awaits! I hope!
I got up and ready for RP to pick me up, and we went to our usual starting point. We both were wearing headlamps (thank you, inlaws!) and started out down the trail, which had flooded a few days earlier but was supposed to be okay by then. Well, we made it five minutes before encountering flooding. So we turned back and went down the OTHER fork of the trail, which, thankfully, was not flooded.
A few minutes into our run on the non-flooded side, we saw something moving up ahead in the dark. Very dark. Maybe a deer? No, it's a human being, wearing black clothes, moving in and out of the trees. I hear RP's heart rate monitor start to beep and I was feeling the same way. We try to "spot" him with our lights and when we come up on him (dude was walking FAST) he is actually wearing workout gear, appearing to be out for an early morning constitutional, like us. Doesn't explain the weird jumping around, but maybe our eyes were playing tricks on us....
The next encounter was another shadowy being moving around on the trail. This one turned out to be two deer, and we were lucky enough to actually catch the "deer in headlights" look from both of them. Their eyes glowed in the dark and until we figured out what they were, I really thought RP was going to faint. It was kind of eerie, and kind of cool.
Our only other weirdness while we were still in the dark was meeting another pack of runners. Two of them out of five had headlamps, and all had reflective clothing, so it looked a little bit like a flying saucer moving down the trail towards us. Or maybe we were just really freaked out.
FINALLY, finally, it got light outside enough to see outlines of trees, and then to see if a person was coming towards us or an alien, and then we could actually make out our surroundings well with the sunrise. This didn't help, however, when after a much-needed Burger King bathroom run for RP (our car, where we pit stop, is by a BK), we started on to uncharted territory where they had extended the trail, presumably by four miles (what all the publications said). Well, we got to 1.5 and it ended with a mountain bike trail off into the distance. So we looped, then we went back on the other side, and did some of the hardest-core running I've ever done for that mostly awful last 3.
But we made it! 18 miles without any, let's say, MAJOR mishaps! I will never again choose to go out that early unless I absolutely had to, and this morning, I absolutely had to, because we were attending the funeral of a friend at 11 a.m. The rest of the day was the funeral, reception, wake at the house, and then taking their kids for a couple hours so they could come just be kids. They were, but they were crazy kids, and mine being even crazier didn't help much!
I'm tired. I'm tired in my bones. But I know that today, overall, was a good, helpful day, and I can fall into my non-spotlighted bed and know that in several ways I showed up and did my best. What more can you ask for, really?
Friday, January 02, 2009
My Review of Hind P.E. Skort (For Women)
Originally submitted at Sierra Trading Post
Closeouts . Change up your typical gym attire with Hind's P.E. skort, a balanced blend of performance features (like moisture-wicking fabric) and feminine style. Moisture-wicking DryLETE® fabric keeps you dry Elastic waist with interior drawstring Interior waist key pocket Sits at natural wa...
The best skort!
By Chickpastor from Georgia on 1/2/2009
Fit: Feels true to size
Waist: Feels true to size
Length: Feels true to length
Pros: Comfortable, Flattering, Attractive Design
Describe Yourself: Casual Dresser
Comfort vs Style: Comfort Driven
I bought this skort after reading the great reviews (and being a Hind fan). They are true...this skort is fantastic. I am training for a marathon and have run some mid-distance runs in this skort, and it is very comfortable, no chafing or pinching. It's also long enough to cover what I want it to (I'm 5'7", size 8), and I haven't had any problems with the "flap" on the side. I bought a 2nd one about a week after the 1st, wish they had more colors!
(legalese)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
