So I gave up two things for Lent this year, actually. I gave up one very consciously, which was meat, AGAIN, and it's going fine. I miss it more this year but it's not a huge deal.
I gave up something else, sort of spur of the moment and out of some necessity, and it is driving me a little bit crazy. I decided, after looking at my spare spending cash (not much) and plans for the spring (many races, two trips), that I should give up buying clothes and shoes for Lent.
Buying clothes and shoes is primarily how I soothe myself. I don't say that proudly...just trying to be honest, here. After giving up so very many things in the past few years that I used use to soothe myself, now, when I need a fix, I buy a new shirt or new pair of shoes.
I don't go crazy with spending, even, I'm not that kind of girl. I just browse the Goodwill or the Target or the mall sales and I'm lulled into some kind of peace. When I actually purchase something, it momentarily makes me happy, and it makes me happy again when I wear it the next day. I can't explain it; it just feels good. Shopping endorphins, I've heard it called. Whatever.
So it has been much, much, harder than I ever expected. I really don't have the money anyway, so it was a great and practical idea in theory, but I am SO missing the fix! I got a coupon for a whopping $20 off a pair of shoes on a shoe site that I frequent. The cutest bathing suit in the world is on a giant sale at Lands End right now. And I will admit that both are in my virtual "shopping cart" and if they are still available when Lent is over I will be purchasing them immediately.
I'm also doing a lot of yoga this Lent, from this podcast. It is pretty much the hardest yoga I've ever done, and I sort of love it (my partner is now calling the guy my new boyfriend). He asks you to sit with discomfort, to make friends with it, to breathe through it, because "only when you want to come out of a post does the yoga begin."
So with my aching quads I'm trying to "sit" with my discomfort at not buying the swimsuit, at not buying the shoes. Voices are yelling at me at every turn....it's on SALE! it's in your SIZE! what if they sell OUT?! But I'm doing my best to just sit with the discomfort, to visit my swimsuit and my shoes on their respective sites and not hit the "Buy" button, to breathe through it all. Happy Lent.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Veggie Chili
My new little church, at which I am very part-time, is so lovely they almost bring tears to my eyes.
It has been so interesting for me, after being at such a dysfunctional small place, to be in a place that is not dysfunctional, just small. I did not mean to start to love them...it was meant to be a step on the road to SOMEWHERE, because, wow, are they NOWHERE, take a left. It takes me an hour and forty-five minutes to get there for one hour of confirmation and one hour of worship, some visits, and then one hour and forty-five minutes home, not including my now-traditional stop for Subway.
Here are the two things that have stuck in my mind about them. I know it might seem like it's all about me, and okay, it sort of is, but they are also signs of the general health and compassion of this congregation.
First of all, they gave me a Christmas bonus. My last church did not EVER give me anything for Christmas, and did not give me so much as a card at our last worship service together, so this was huge. My new place is small, as I said, with not much money between them, but they still took up a collection for a gift because they value their pastor. I was completely surprised when they gave it to me, and I couldn't stop talking about it. A small, lovely, thing, in the midst of many friends/colleagues experiencing ugliness from their churches.
Second of all, today, they made me veggie chili. Last week in my sermon I had talked about how I had given up meat for Lent for the second time, and this week, there was a little pot of veggie chili next to the meat chili. Again, a small, lovely instance of someone actually caring.
I don't know how long this "relationship" will last...I'm an interim and they're so far away that there's no real potential for long-term. But I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts, to soak it up, to know that it's okay to feel safe and healed and appreciated, and in fact, it's the way things should be.
It has been so interesting for me, after being at such a dysfunctional small place, to be in a place that is not dysfunctional, just small. I did not mean to start to love them...it was meant to be a step on the road to SOMEWHERE, because, wow, are they NOWHERE, take a left. It takes me an hour and forty-five minutes to get there for one hour of confirmation and one hour of worship, some visits, and then one hour and forty-five minutes home, not including my now-traditional stop for Subway.
Here are the two things that have stuck in my mind about them. I know it might seem like it's all about me, and okay, it sort of is, but they are also signs of the general health and compassion of this congregation.
First of all, they gave me a Christmas bonus. My last church did not EVER give me anything for Christmas, and did not give me so much as a card at our last worship service together, so this was huge. My new place is small, as I said, with not much money between them, but they still took up a collection for a gift because they value their pastor. I was completely surprised when they gave it to me, and I couldn't stop talking about it. A small, lovely, thing, in the midst of many friends/colleagues experiencing ugliness from their churches.
Second of all, today, they made me veggie chili. Last week in my sermon I had talked about how I had given up meat for Lent for the second time, and this week, there was a little pot of veggie chili next to the meat chili. Again, a small, lovely instance of someone actually caring.
I don't know how long this "relationship" will last...I'm an interim and they're so far away that there's no real potential for long-term. But I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts, to soak it up, to know that it's okay to feel safe and healed and appreciated, and in fact, it's the way things should be.
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