This is where I feel, most of the time. And most of the time I guess it's a good thing. But what I'm talking about mostly is parenting.
First of all I should say that I really really hate the judgement that everyone loads on each other as far as parenting goes. It's been happening forever and ever, I guess, but I'm in the middle of it right now (see a theme here?) and it's getting on my last "nervous," as one of my daughter's friends says.
To one segment of people with whom I associate, I'm a freak. I put my kid in cloth diapers, I don't take them to McDonalds, we eat bunches of fruit and veggies, and I nursed both kids til two (Mr. Man...STILL GOING). I don't like using my car when I don't have to (like, to drive to the neighborhood pool, for crying out loud) and I'm a vegetarian. So, total freak. My neighbors look at me weird, and other moms at my daughter's school trade stories in front of me (while I'm nursing my toddler) about how they couldn't nurse past (insert shorter time period here, three months, three weeks, whatever). Freak! That's me.
But then there's another segment of the population, and I don't quite fit there either. I don't sleep with my kids in the bed as a regular practice, past the age of about 9 months. I drink Diet Dr. Pepper on a regular (that is to say, daily) basis and my kids eat popsicles, Frosted mini-wheats, and goldfish crackers. I didn't birth at home, I send my kids to school, and I'm REALLY looking forward to a couple weeks away in a month or so.
And where this all leaves me is in the middle. Not crunchy enough, too crunchy. I console myself by repeating Anne Lamott's wise advice, as always, "the most subversive thing I could do is show up for my life, and not be ashamed."
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6 comments:
You are in good company Beth, trust me. I am the only one who nursed their babies past 6 months, slept with them at all etc etc. But I too have no problem sending them to school. Heck I'm even a wohm. I rarely fit into either community of moms around here. And goodness if they knew the amount of time I spent exercising. Since I am wohm I should spend every other moment not working with my children the implication has been more than once. But I look at their smiles and their basically well adjustedness and figure I haven't done too bad.
I dunno...at some point, I realized that I needed to stop reading books. At least parenting books. They made me too crazy, with their all-or-nothing philosophies. And I think the mamas fall too-easily-prey to the all-or-nothing disease...or maybe it's either-or.
At any rate, I think your kids are fantastic, and I think YOU are fantastic, and we do things differently, and some we do the same, and I think I learn from you, you learn from me.
So, I'm pretty happy hanging out somewhere in the middle. In good company.
Love you! Love the middle-kiddos!
Hi!
I tried to send you an email and failed to get through. Would you be kind enough to send me your new address? I'm updating RevGal records.
Thanks!
Well put, lady. As your other friend said, you ARE in good company. Like, with most people. Moderate people. People who understand the give and take of reality. The mommy wars SUCK and all we can do is not be a part of the problem. Peace! You are loved and a wonderful, wonderful mother.
Hey, I just popped over here from the RevGal sidebar b/c I liked your name "Chickpastor." And I LOVE this post. I am so right there with you - sorta crunchy, sorta not.
Love the Anne Lamott quote - I needed that. Thanks!
I nursed my sons until 21 months and 24 months. I continue to sleep with my 4 1/2 year old and my 2 year old. I love being able to have a job now and get away from them a little (even though it is part-time). I will send them to public school.
I fed my 2 year old 3 Dum-Dum pops today with no remorse. And I frequently let them veg out in front of the TV when I need to do some work around the house.
Above all, I am not going to fight in the mommy wars. Every mom (with a few exceptions) loves her child. And a great majority will be well-adjusted adults (and if they aren't, it probably isn't her fault!!!).
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