July 23, 2006, was my last Sunday at my church, and as it turned out, the last day that the church existed. I didn't mean for it to happen that way, but that's how it turned out (see the post before this for details). I was very sad yesterday. I'm clearly grieving...I'm terribly cranky with my kids and I feel depressed and like I want to cry at everything, and I'm re-evaluating everything right now.
It was a good last worship service. I used a plan for "closing of a church" that was lovely and appropriate, and we confirmed a boy who has gone through most of the classes. He read his own statement of faith that he wrote, at age 13, and it ended "God is with us in the chaos and craziness of this world." How beautiful and how much I needed to hear those words!
We sang "A Mighty Fortress is our God," and our theme song of late, "Soon and Very Soon." We also sang, as my own private joke with myself, a song that the people in my last post wanted to sing every single Sunday and got really really irritated when I suggested that maybe not EVERY single Sunday we should sing the same hymn. So I threw it in there just to give myself (and my awesome musician) a laugh.
I will miss worship so much. Our worship, which I created, was the first one that I've actually enjoyed going to except for maybe at camp. I loved our music, sort of a gospel/traditional Lutheran hybrid, and I loved our liturgy, which I drew from all kinds of sources. I will miss celebrating communion and I'll miss preaching. I'll miss giving bread and wine to little kids. I'll miss my musician terribly...he was so wonderful and had just started bringing his partner to worship with us, as he finally felt comfortable enough to do that.
Mostly, I'll miss being a pastor. This was the first place that I actually felt like the pastor. People are always surprised when I say, no, I really AM the pastor, not the youth pastor, not the associate pastor, but THE pastor. And there I really felt it.
I know I'm supposed to be a pastor...that's never really been in dispute in my mind...but here's what's changed. Instead of seeing each call as a destination, now I think I've been enough places to say to God "What's up next?" instead of just "what am I going to DO?" It's seeing each call as a stop on the journey instead of seeing each call as a destination, forever. And that is good. I may try transition ministry next, where I will go in between permanent pastors and do what needs to be done in the middle, good or bad. But I don't see it as forever anymore, and that feels really good, like I have more time in my life instead of less.
To sum up, I am cutting a tooth. I'm 31 years old, and I'm teething along with my 9 month old! But what's coming through is my first wisdom tooth. About time, I'd say!
I wanted to share how we ended worship on Sunday. Simply, and with tears in my eyes although knowing it was for the best:
"May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord's face shine on you and be gracious to you
May the Lord look upon you with favor
and give you peace."
Amen.
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Chickpastor, wife, and attached mama to two.
11 comments:
This is my first stop by your blog. The only think I know to say to you is this: God be with you. It sounds like you truly have a heart for ministry. God has a special future planned for you.
ChickPastor, I love the image of teething. Blessings to you as you discern what lies ahead in your ministry. You are still a pastor.
God bless you. What a hard, hard thing to do. You are a warrior in an absolutely amazing way.
Oh my. ((((((((((Chickpator)))))))
Please keep us posted on what happens next with you.
You write about this difficult experience powerfully with great faith- thank you- you have prayers for the road ahead.
That must have been a hard, hard service to get through...but it does sound like a good farewell to all concerned. And as my own pastor says, sometimes the walls have to fall in to make room for the Holy Spirit to create something new and different. Blessings to you during this time of transition.
Wishing you peace at this time of transition in your life.
(((chickpastor)))
Prayers of blessing and peace and healing your way today.
and a big ol' hug, too.
God bless you in closing that church. I had to close a church also, and it was sad and painful. I still find myself missing them, and wondering was there a way to keep them going. But alas no.
Will be thinking of you in this time as you cut your teeth on life, and go through your wisdom teeth coming in.
Thank you for this post.
(o)
MB -- I'm thinking of you. What a hard thing to do.
Post a Comment